DEV BUILD (branch: master) - NOT FOR PUBLIC USE
 

Check out our latest Fleet Action!

Learn More
 

Part of USS Tokyo: M2: Infection and Bravo Fleet: We Are the Borg

Edit Story
View Mission

3) Thanatophobia

USS Tokyo - Personal Quarters
June 2401
0 likes 308 views

The room was a mess. Papers, PADDs, and clothing were on the ground. Chairs were pushed aside by force, and even the table had to endure whatever had entered the room by being shattered and lying on its side. The lights were dimmed as the reflection of stars was passing by the window. A whimper, a sniffle, and muttering sounds came from the corner.

Towalr was shaped into a ball in the corner with his head hanging between his legs and hands on his head, wiggling back and forth. “No…we can't, we cannot do this, we shall not survive. We can't” He kept repeating to himself, shaking his head repeatedly. His breathing was short, and his hands were shaking. “Why would Starfleet do this, not again, NOT AGAIN” He screamed, pushing his hands back on his head. 

“These Jem'hadar know how to fight, but we know how to beat them! Strength and willpower!” 

The memories, the words, and the voice of Captain Jameson were echoing in the back of Towalr's mind. He shook his head and shook even more. “No, STOP” 

“I am proud of you, Commander Towalr. You are an excellent officer, and you care a lot for the crew. Before I know it, you will be the Captain of your ship. I know that for sure.” 

He stopped moving and slowly lowered his hands as his watery eyes looked. The memory was so fresh. It was so present as if he could see it happen right before him. They had survived the Lost Fleet battles with the brilliant guidance of Captain Jameson. He was like a mentor for him, and then it happened. Towalr gritted his teeth as he shook his head trying to mute the sound of the shots and screams. 

“Protect the crew, Towalr, they are the most important key! They are not themselves….save them” 

The dying voice of his Captain when he was shot more than once by his crew members as the signal hit the ship and plunged it into utter chaos. The dead bodies were all around him, and the taste and smell of iron were hitting him quite heavily. It was imprinted into him that memory, the sound, and taste. Towalr bent forward as he puked onto the ground. He felt his stomach being upset by the bare memory of what he saw. 

He vomited a few times as the smell of iron was stuck in his nose. His sweater was drenched in sweat. His lunch was on the ground as he took quick breaths. He fell backward and landed against the wall, feeling the dizziness and lightheadedness creep up on him “Towalr to sickbay, I need medical aid.” He barely gets out.

“This is Ibrx. What is wrong Commander?”

“I…I ….can't breathe.” He swallowed the sour and bitter taste in his mouth. “I feel dizzy and puked over my whole floor”

“Take a deep breath, Commander, slow and steady. I have sent a medical team to aid you”

The silence came back into the room, Towalr did his best to slow down his breathing. But the vivid flashbacks of the death crew members, of the lifeless body of his former Captain. It haunted down his very spine. He felt slowly that his vision got blurry. “no…I don't want to go…I am too young.” He manages to get out as he blacks out the moment the medical team arrived at his room. 

Comments

  • FrameProfile Photo
    James Neidlinger

    Post-traumatic stress can be absolutely debilitating, and you do an excellent job of capturing it here. I appreciate that not only do you allude to what happened, but through vivid flashbacks, you help us understand those moments in Towalr's past that caused his present reaction. This post both stands on its own right, and it helps us understand the roadblocks that lay ahead for the Tokyo's First Officer, but even beyond that, it reminds us that this scene is probably playing out, slightly differently but largely the same, in quarters much like this one, on this ship and every other ship, across the fleet. This trauma will not soon pass, so how will they rise through it to accomplish the mission?

    October 29, 2023
  • FrameProfile Photo
    Keith Anderson

    A great insight into Towalr's mental state here. I think this post was pivotal in the development as it sent him from disrespectful officer to someone who was really suffering and trying to manage some intense emotional trauma the best way they could. The events of The Lost Fleet and Frontier Day rest heavy on everyone, no doubt, so this is certainly a great window into that impact. Nicely done!

    October 30, 2023
  • FrameProfile Photo
    Khim Samnang

    This is pretty visceral, and I appreciate that. The effects that trauma and panic have on the body can be extreme, and it can be hard to know how thoroughly to depict that, but I think this chapter does what it needs to. The flashbacks to the good moments with his former captain are actually the most painful. They hint at the kind of officer Towalr used to be, and the fact that Starfleet’s recent tragedies have altered his path is very sad indeed.

    November 11, 2023

Load Time: 0.6 seconds

Total SQL Queries: 73

2 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (91971) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts WHERE 1=1 AND wp_posts.post_name = '91971' AND wp_posts.post_type = 'story' ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (31013) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '2222' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (88709) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 88709 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (15032) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '1849' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC LIMIT 0, 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 15032 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (18633) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '1849' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (94776) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 94776 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (94767) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (141632) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 141632 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (141631) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 83715 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '2222' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC LIMIT 0, 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (83715) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (140618,140922) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT ID, post_name, post_parent, post_type FROM wp_posts WHERE post_name IN ('donate') AND post_type IN ('page','attachment')
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 86412 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 13085 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (122202) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts WHERE ID IN (122202)
1 SELECT wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) INNER JOIN wp_postmeta AS mt1 ON ( wp_posts.ID = mt1.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'event_status' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = 'In Progress' ) AND ( mt1.meta_key = 'event_type' AND mt1.meta_value = 'fleet_action' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'events' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_title DESC LIMIT 0, 1
1 SELECT t.*, tt.*, tr.object_id FROM wp_terms AS t INNER JOIN wp_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id INNER JOIN wp_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('group_news_category') AND tr.object_id IN (140618, 140922) ORDER BY t.name ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 84952 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts WHERE ID IN (140922,140618)
1 SELECT wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts WHERE 1=1 AND wp_posts.post_type = 'group_news' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC LIMIT 0, 2
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (87500) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87500 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (87493) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (84952) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 141740 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 141639 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 141631 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_usermeta WHERE user_id IN (1849) ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '0' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87437 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 90692 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (91179) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_usermeta WHERE user_id IN (2222) ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_users WHERE ID = '2222' LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_users WHERE ID = '1849' LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87428 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_usermeta WHERE user_id IN (1) ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_users WHERE ID = '1' LIMIT 1
1 SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_usermeta WHERE user_id IN (2545) ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_users WHERE ID = '2545' LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 91179 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87493 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (87437) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87490 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '1' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC LIMIT 0, 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87488 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 94767 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM wp_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (18311) ORDER BY meta_id ASC
1 SELECT wp_posts.* FROM wp_posts INNER JOIN wp_postmeta ON ( wp_posts.ID = wp_postmeta.post_id ) WHERE 1=1 AND ( ( wp_postmeta.meta_key = 'member_user' AND wp_postmeta.meta_value = '1' ) ) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'member' AND ((wp_posts.post_status = 'publish')) GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
1 UPDATE `wp_postmeta` SET `meta_value` = '308' WHERE `post_id` = 91971 AND `meta_key` = 'views'
1 SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `wp_postmeta`
1 SELECT meta_id FROM wp_postmeta WHERE meta_key = 'views' AND post_id = 91971
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87491 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87492 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 76187 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 65950 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 99420 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87489 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 69961 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 87487 LIMIT 1
1 SELECT * FROM wp_posts WHERE ID = 12371 LIMIT 1