((Blythe, Sickbay))

From the time she had received the request from the bridge to the time she had come up with a multi-phased training and treatment plan for the Dergans Cabbage epidemic, was about 17 minutes. Pretty Lady had actually been studying the genetic make up and pharmaceutical toxicology of the Cabbage plant itself when the call had come in. The Captain, a day before, had authorized her to beam up a single head of the drug into Isolation Room 1, for some more rigorous scientific examination.

On the surface, it had appeared like any other tightly wrapped head of lettuce or cabbage that one might find on countless different worlds throughout the galaxy. But under a high powered cellular scope and after being subjected to a series of other tests, Dr. Lady found out that it was a highly potent benzo-cannabinoid. The Dergan immune system obviously had some inherent properties that negated some of the effects of the drugs otherwise they shouldn’t be anle to remain conscious after ingesting as much as they did(4-5 heads in a sitting for the more degenerate of the Cabbage heads)

The symptoms, while under the influence or from the withdrawal, made total sense to her now. It was a powerfully addictive drug that would have a a user hooked after only a few recreational doses, which was roughly half a head for the average Dergan. She just had to break the addiction amd manage the withdrawals.

“Patron, call the team in, meeting in 15 minutes, we have work to do. Computer, fire up Pretty Lady’s Thinking Music Playlist. Normal volume.” The computer acknowledged the exocomp doctor commands and began playing the song “Kill the Director” by the Wombats at an obnoxiously loud level.

The work to synthesize cessation and withdrawal symptom therapies was academic once she had isolated the psychotropically active compounds in the ‘Devils Lettuce’. The plucky exocomp remarked at how chemically reactive the constituent components of the Cabbage actually were. It would have serious effects on most humanoid lifeforms that she knew of based on its bio-availability and quick uptake by several different receptors in a user’s body.

“Shoooo, this one head alone would be enough to get the entire crew of the Blythe fucking loaded for a whole evening or two.” Lady said as she made her way back into the Isolation chamber and picked up the head she had beamed up with her sterile articulating pincer tool she had just replicated and tossed it into the reclimator.

“This is no Bridget Jones, this is no, Bridge, Bridget, kill the director. This is no, duh duh duh, this is no, kill the director” She sang along with the song as she floated back over to her office and began coming up with a deployment plan, and how they could train Dergan medical staff to use the hyposprays. Then she started on the problem of figuring out a proper dosing regime for the various counter agents she was planning to use.

“Computer pause music. PATRON! How tall are the Dergans?”

“4 to 5 feet as I recall.”

“And how much do they weigh?” Lady asked as she started running some models and testing on her console, plugging In variables as she went.

“About 130 to 150lbs on average. Glenda after her 7th child on the mountain of Presubus.” The Tamarian physician’s assistant replied from the main sickbay room.

“Hmmm, indeed, chunky monkeys…”

“They’re more closely related to a Terran Boar, a Klingon Targ, or a Tellarite than to any simian species. Respectfully ma’am.” CPO T’sen said from the adjacent diagnostics room where she had been quietly working on repairing a piece of lab equipment.

“Fair point. We’ll have to run some field tests to dial in the dosing, but I think we got it. I’m sending the plan to your padd Patron, let’s go cure some junkies. Hey pig lover, wanna come give us a hand?” Lady hollered at T’sen, the Blythe Medical department was still understaffed, only having 21 of their authorized 28 staff.

“If my superiors agree I would be amenable to assisting with your mission Lt.” T’sen replied.

“Cool, start replicating hypo’s like 500 of ‘em. I’ll call your boss and tell ‘em I’m borrowing you for a few hours. Computer play Lady Work Playlist.” The computer beeped and then began playing the single “Bob” by NoFX at a slightly less obnoxious volume.