One thing Saffiya wasn’t looking forward to at all was speaking to Hina. Not because she didn’t like talking to her in general, but because she could guess that the conversation wouldn’t be pleasant. After all, ever since they started working together again, none of their missions had gone quite as planned.
She was meeting her in Odin’s Palace, which was quieter than Valhalla, and essentially empty right now.

“Hey.”, she said as Hina arrived. “I got drinks.”

Hina settled into seat across from Saffiya, slightly exhausted. After the ship had gotten clear of the subspace distortions she had thrown herself into repairing what damage there had been. Most of it had, fortunately been minor. It had also been a poor distraction from what she had seen and experienced aboard the other ship.

“Hey.” Hina replied, reaching for one of the drinks. The logical side of her brain knew none of it was actually Saffiya’s fault. No one could control subspace. Well, no human could anyway. Yet the side of her brain that was all feelings and stuff wanted to blame her for everything. Not just the subspace distortions and hallucinations, but the whole underspace thing too. She could have been back at the ship yards working on ships, but no Saffiya had enticed her to come along. Twice. And this second time was for more than just a consulting gig, never mind that the first time had somehow also turned into more than that.

Yet she knew that wasn’t fair, and that Saffiya would be expecting that sort of conversation and also possibly kicking herself over it all.  She raised the drink instead.

“Thanks.” she said with a smile. “We made it out of another one…” she said.

“Yeah…”, sighed Saffiya. “I am not sure what is going on, but I’d very much like a normal week.”

“You and me both…” Hina said. “Maybe you’re just cursed…” she said, chuckling.

Saffiya gave her a look. She was feeling awful enough about all of this, and that statement didn’t exactly make it any better. “Well maybe it’s you, not me. Just saying.”

Hina held up her hands.

“I don’t recall this craziness happening at the yards when I was there…” she pointed out, taking a gulp from her drink. She sighed. “Look… I didn’t mean it like that… was just trying to lighten the mood.  I’m just exhausted is all. Sorry.” she said.

“Understandable.”, Saffiya sighed. “So what have you been up to these past few days. I mean I should probably know, but… well.”

Hina shrugged.

“I spent most of the time repairing the damage to the ship… all of it minor. Nothing serious.” she explained. “How are you doing, Saf?” she asked.

“Honestly? I wonder why every mission turns into a disaster. And why everything turns into a mission – first the subspace tunnels, then the hallucinations. Honestly at this stage I wouldn’t be surprised if I am actually cursed. At least no one died this time.”, she frowned.

“Always a good thing.” Hina agreed. “Who did you see?” she asked.

Saffiya sat her glass down. “I saw Keller. The woman who got injured on the bridge last time, and later was pronounced dead. I ignored her, but the whole thing is… still on my mind.”

Hina frowned. She remembered that. In many ways she was just as culpable, she had been acting as XO at the time, but Saffy was the Captain.

“I can understand.” she said. “How so?”

“Well..”, the Captain started. “It’s her husband. Jonathan Keller. He is… understandably… trying to find someone to blame. He tried blaming the doctor, and he tries blaming me. Again, it’s understandable, I would probably do the same. It’s just not pleasant.”

“No… I can’t say it would be…” she said. It wasn’t right that she was catching the full blame for it. Anger and grief made people act very erratically. She took another sip from her drink.

“I wish there was more I could do, Saffy… its not right that he tries to blame you.” she said.

“Just something I have to deal with, I suppose.”, she sighed. “Oh, that reminds me. We are lacking a Chief Engineer. Are you interested?”

Hina’s eyes widened. She was suddenly back on the Cupertino with Saffiya announcing that she was acting-XO to the entire bridge. To her credit, at least this time the position was something she might be reasonably capable of.

“Do I have to be?” she asked tentatively. Was this an invitation or an order?

The Captain shook her head. “You don’t have to be. I will not just push you into a position you don’t want – not again.”

She exhaled. Well at least it was her own choice this time. She was quiet for a few moments, really thinking. Did she want that? Or did she just want to fix the ship for a little while longer without having to worry about all the other things. The thing that scared her was that she didn’t know. Even back on the Cupertino she had known, and that hadn’t been all that long ago.

“I… don’t know, Saf.” she said quietly. “I don’t know if I’m ready for the reports and duty rosters and all that on top of making sure the ship runs… don’t know if I’m ready for that amount of responsibility.” she continued, staring into her drink, rather than at her friend. She hated disappointing her friends, even worse when one of them happened to be your superior officer.

“I understand.”, Saffiya nodded.

Hina looked up. “Ask me again… in a couple of months… if you don’t find anyone else by then.” she said. Maybe she would be ready then.

“I will.”, she nodded, though she was fairly sure that she would find someone else instead. There was no point in someone reluctantly taking a position they weren’t passionate about.

“You know… through everything you’ve always been a constant, Saffy. I don’t know how you manage it… I even saw you on that other ship… well, I guess ‘heard’ you would be more accurate…” she said.

Saffiya tilted her head “You did?”

“Mmhmm, I was in a maintenance crawlspace… this black mass crawled by and offered a tool suggestion… and made sure I didn’t forget it when I scrambled out of there… was your voice.” she said.

“Oh. Well at least I wasn’t some undead monster telling you how awful you are. So there’s that – from what I’ve heard, people had worse hallucinations than that.” she pondered. And then, with a smirk, added “I can still book you in with a Counsellor.”

“No… I don’t think I need that. I mean that wasn’t the worst of it… but… I’m not really dwelling on any of it.” she said. “But thanks.”

She took another gulp of her drink.

“Did we ever get a solid accounting of what actually happened on the other ship? I know we brought back some data… but I never looked at it beyond the small amount when I was on the other ship.”

“From what we understand, the crew also experienced the hallucinations, and went… basically insane. Couldn’t tell friend from foe, and you saw the results on the ship.”, Saffiya said darkly.

Hina nodded.

“Jeez… yea… it wasn’t pretty.”

“It also leads us to believe that the reports of an alien entity were not correct, and that they instead were part of the hallucination.”

“Makes sense…” she said. “I can’t believe those distortions caused that much trouble… subspace is something else…”

Saffiya nodded. “Yes. Something I would be delighted not to encounter again any time soon.”

“Still we came through it intact and at the end of the day thats a pretty good outcome.” she commented, smiling.

“We did. And yes, it was.”