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Cocktails: Explained by a Vulcan

Description

In this competition, you get to channel your inner Vulcan.

As such, you have of course acquired adequate knowledge of traditional Earth cocktails (because what else would you do in your free time) and (because what else would you do now?) are educating your Human colleagues on how they are prepared.

  • pick a classic cocktail — Tequila Sunrise, Moscow Mule, whatever suits your logic
  • explain ingredients and preparation with as much unnecessary detail as possible. Surely your colleagues are entirely unfamiliar with the concept of orange juice – or an orange.
  • use the most academic and dispassionate descriptors you can muster

Criteria

  • Descriptions should be input in the text box.
  • Descriptions should contain a maximum of 1000 words. You can get your point across in much less than that? Great, go for it! :)
  • Descriptions will be graded using the Bravo Fleet Fiction Rubric, which marks on the following criteria: Language, Style, & Mechanics; Adherence to Canon; Perspective; Characterization; Originality; Use of the Prompt.
  • Descriptions must be written during the competition period and should not be a reuse parts of an existing story.
  • The descriptions must be a written by a single author.

Winners

Submissions

User Content Date Entry
Nacien Rixx (#2998)

A human indicated that I was to mix this drink with alacrity before he suffered a psychological breakdown, and that it should be vertically impressive and notably robust.

He also stated that it was 1700 hours, even though the chronometer clearly stated it was 1347. Perhaps the allusion to a psychological breakdown was not merely a figure of speech.

It should require Fassionola, made by a proprietor called English, a substance whose recipe is obscured, and the manufacturer is out of business. Therefore, we are going to make it ourselves with the greatest accuracy we can for this lost cocktail syrup.

We shall commence making the Fassionola. The dominant flavor is passion fruit, in the genus Passiflora. You shall take the fruit and juice it, using 62 grams. Combine this with 62 grams of papaya juice, the plant species Carica papaya, one of the 21 accepted species in the genus Carica of the family Caricaceae. Add to this 125 grams of Prunus cerasus, or tart cherry juice; and 125 grams of orange juice, also called sweet orange to distinguish it from the bitter orange (Citrus × aurantium), is the fruit of a tree in the family Rutaceae. Botanically, this is the hybrid Citrus × sinensis, between the pomelo (Citrus maxima) and the mandarin orange (Citrus reticulata). Be very careful with your selection of citrus.

To this mixture you will also add 125 grams of common guava (Psidium guajava) juice, and two types of pineapple juice, which is neither a pine tree nor an apple, but an edible fruit in the family Bromeliaceae. You must specifically use 125 grams of fresh pineapple blended into juice and strained through a fine mesh strainer, and another 125 grams of commercially canned and concentrated pineapple juice. Also add 125 grams of actual apple juice of the (Malus domestica) family. The specific cultivar is not important.

Set the fresh strained pineapple juice aside in a force field. Place all other juices in a saucepan. To this add 2.5 grams of citric acid, 38 grams of hibiscus flowers (Hibiscus sabdariffa) and 800 grams of refined white sugar. Heat the mixture over medium heat to a steady simmer until the sugar dissolves and remove from the heat. Cool the mixture completely before you remove the fresh pineapple juice from the force field and thoroughly combine it with the mixture. Place in a sealed container and chill.

Prepare. Gather your citrus. Cut each in half. Squeeze the juice in an appropriate squeezing device and remove the seeds. Strain to remove all pulp. Set aside.

Use the glass appropriate for the cocktail, which is named Hurricane. Both the glass and the drink.

Take a metal shaker. Place in 15ml of the juice of a lime, preferably Citrus aurantiifolia. Add to this 22ml of the Fassionola you have already prepared. Add 22ml of freshly squeeze juice of the sweet orange as above.

Add 30ml of a Jamaican style rum, one the Humans say is … ‘funky.’ I recommend Smith and Cross. And 30 ml of Haitian Rhum Barbancourt White – this is another rum for those taking notes, it is considered 'fruity.'

Take one large (50.8mm per side) cube of ice and hold it over your shaker. Crack the ice with the back of your bar spoon. Use three large cubes in total. Crack each cube to pieces smaller than 13.2mm. Irregular shapes are allowable in this instance.

Take your smaller shaker and invert it on your larger shaker. Do not hammer them together, this is poor form. Shake slowly at first to lower the internal temperature and contract the shakers to create the seal. Once accomplished shake vigorously for thirty to forty-five seconds. Open pour the mixture, including the ice into your Hurricane glass.

It is considered proper and well-mannered to garnish this with a wedge of fresh pineapple stacked on a long toothpick or cocktail stick with two maraschino cherries above it. Slit the pineapple and slot it onto the edge of the glass. Place two pineapple fronds behind the pineapple wedge. And it is impractical, but historically appropriate to serve this drink with a tiny paper umbrella. Take care to perch the umbrella on the pineapple garnish so it does not become wet or soggy.

Place in a long straw to properly drink with.

This should be an accessible cocktail for most palettes and pleases most humanoids.

2025-07-26 03:41:24
Aloran (#2232)

"The negroni is not a drink. It is an epistemological structure composed of ethanol vectors and symbolic residues, functioning as both agent and instrument in the production of a disciplined, temporally-aware, subject of twentieth and twenty-first century human bourgeoisie. To engage with the negroni is to participate in a ritualised techno-social pedagogy, one in which bitterness is not an impediment but a lesson. It is the liquid didactic of pre-warp human taste, a bitter vector through which humans were taught to perform restraint, patience, and interpretation during a particularly barbaric phase of your history"

"In my studies of the sociocultural history of humanity, the importance of ritual is strongly apparent. No more so than in the imagining, construction, and consumption of liquid narcotics. As such, any ‘recipe’ of a historic narcotic should be interpreted through a chemical and ontological framework that situates the action within its broader context in human society. To do anything less would introduce errors of understanding and undermine the ritualised role that collection consumption has played in every manifestation of organised human societies"

"Therefore the negroni is both an object of consumption and a liquid dispositif, an operant structure within the broader field of affective governance. It is composed, ostensibly, of three constituents in equal ratios: gin, sweet vermouth, and campari. The one-to-one-to-one ratio is not simply proportion, it is ideological arithmetic and culturally mandatory"

"The first - gin - is the molecular scaffold of the cocktail. It contains botanical inputs, commonly juniperus communis with auxiliary agents such as cardamom or coriander, that are constructed within condensation loops of copper or stainless steel. In addition to its chemical nature, gin has an origin in Earth’s imperial history and so encodes an authoritarian rationalism that symbolises early human attempts to render the chaotic plurality of nature into an ordered logic of chemistry"

"The second - vermouth - is a fortified and oxidised wine that is similarly infused with botanical substances and stabilised with acids. This substance provides saccharide modulation to the overall construction, acting as a dialectic between the ethanol and bitter agents. As with human societal expressions in this period, the vermouth is a representation of the conflict between ecclesiastical organisation and more radical forms, expressed in the form of sweetness and bitterness layered one upon the other"

"The final ingredient - campari - is the narcotic’s chemical antagonist, an infusion of aromatic herbs, fruit peels, and acidity. Chemically, campari suppresses the saccharide dominance via interfering with the bitter receptor pathway. More importantly, campari is a simulacrum of structural violence in human polities, where the red colouring is not aesthetic but juridical: a semiotic declaration that consuming this liquid narcotic is a disciplinary event"

"Each ingredient is introduced sequentially within a glass vessel designed to both contain its violence and yet render the violence apparent in transparency. The biopower of the substance becomes apparent during the insertion and rotation of a bar spoon, whereby the chemicals are bound and rendered homogenous. This is an act of ritualised convergence, the human hand exerting governance over the natural world in service of its own intoxication"

"Nature, however, re-exerts its presence and its power over humanity in the form of a large-format ice cube, added post-convergence as a symbolic representation of the impossibility of separating humanity from the environment upon which it depends. The ice is both the exertion of nature and the exertion of temporal control, with its gradual dilution placing an existential dilemma on the one consuming as to the appropriate speed of consumption relative to the act of warming and the act of watering. Humanity, despite its governance in constructing the negroni, is ultimately powerless to exert control over its form"

 2025-07-22 18:41:26
Thomas Hunter (#3094)
Disqualified
 2025-07-22 01:24:48
Jaya Thorne (#2970)

Welcome to today's lesson, where I will teach you about the Margarita.

The Margarita is a mixed alcoholic beverage that is primarily composed of tequila, a spirit made with a specific type of plant known as blue agave that is found only in certain regions of North and Central America, and combined with the citrus fruit Citrus Aurantiifolia, commonly known as Lime, and a sweetening agent like Triple Sec, a Citrus sinensis or orange-flavored Liqueur that originated in France during Earth's nineteenth century. It is customarily served in a unique type of coupe glass called a Margarita Glass when it is blended with ice, or in a standard Rocks or Lowball glass when shaken and poured over ice. The rim of the glass is also coated with sodium chloride or salt, applied to the rim of the glass to enhance the contrast of flavours. Its consumption produces a mild ethanol-based euphoria in most humanoid species. While many consider it 'refreshing', it gets its value from being primarily more social than nutritional.

The Margarita can have several different variations, depending on preference. Some prefer to mix their margaritas with other fruit purees like Mango, Pineapple, or Grapefruit. Some prefer to add Capsaicin spice by adding dried Chili or Jalapeño peppers. Others will enjoy it by replacing the Triple Sec with another liqueur, like Grand Marnier, which is a blend of Cognac whisky, better orange, and sugar. This particular variation is called a 'Cadillac Margarita' due to the expensive nature of its components, which is synonymous with the Cadillac brand of automobiles.

Margaritas can also be mixed with different spirits, like the potato-based Vodka, which is said to produce milder side effects, or Mezcal, which is also agave-based. It has a distinct smoky flavour that is a result of its distillation process, where the agave hearts, or piñas, are roasted in earthen pits.

Despite its numerous variations, the Margarita always maintains the standard formula of ethanol spirits, acid, and a sweetening agent, with a sodium chloride garnish to serve as a sensory contrast. The diversity in appearance and components serves as a testament to the human inclination towards experimentation in culinary and social rituals.

2025-07-18 17:37:13
Thov th'Zeles (#1644)

Lieutenant Sar had not intended to linger in Observation Lounge Seven.

He had planned to observe the plasma flows skimming the trailing edge of Starbase Bravo’s upper pylons while sipping a diluted kelp tea. His attention had been captured by a flamboyant bartender, dancing as he mixed drinks.

“Step right up to the best Manhattan on this side of the quadrant,” the man said as he slid a scarlet-amber cocktail toward a half-dozing lieutenant in operations gold. “This blend of rye, vermouth and bitters is magic in a glass. Try a classic Manhattan. Who's next?”

Sar arched a brow. He had observed the proportions, the mixing method and the garnish. He stood from his seat near the large viewport and approached the bartender.

“That is incorrect,” Sar said.

The freckled man blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“You added too much vermouth. I counted approximately point two-five ounces above the desired total of exactly one ounce. Furthermore, the beverage was shaken, not stirred. You have over-diluted the base spirit and disrupted the desired clarity and texture. A proper Manhattan is translucent. This is cloudy. Your choice of orange as a garnish lacks the visual appeal and sweetness of a standard cherry."

"If anyone can do better, I'd like to see them try." Orange hairs bristled along the human barkeep's chin.

A murmur rippled through the lounge. Several heads turned. Someone snorted and pointed towards them.

Sar regarded the crowd without expression. “I can make a proper Manhattan.”

“Oh, this I have to see,” said Ensign Martin, grinning as he nudged a friend. “The Vulcan thinks he can make cocktails now.”

A small crowd formed around the bar's curved countertop. “Be my guest.” The barkeep ushered Sar inside.

Sar moved behind the bar with smooth precision. He aligned the bottles of rye whiskey, sweet vermouth, and Angostura bitters in a geometric pattern.

“The Manhattan is a cocktail of Terran origin, first appearing in the late 19th century in the borough from which it derives its name,” he began as he reached for the mixing glass. “Its continued popularity is due to its elegant construction and robust flavor profile. It has been traditionally favored by individuals of strong constitution and regrettable emotional impulse.”

He added exactly two ounces of rye whiskey. “The base spirit is selected for its spiced character and dry finish.”

Sar added one ounce of sweet vermouth next. “Fortified wine, aromatized. This particular label is optimal for its notes of vanilla, bitter herbs, and dark fruit. It counterbalances the whiskey without eclipsing it.”

Two dashes of bitters were added next. “The binding element includes Angostura bitters. These are composed of gentian root, cloves, and numerous botanicals. This next step is essential.”

He added large, crystalline ice cubes. Tongs were used to drop each cube with surgical precision.

“Stir,” he said as he counted exactly thirty-two rotations. Each twist was met with the same smooth arc. “This chills the mixture while preserving textural cohesion. Shaking, by contrast, introduces aeration and fractures flavor distribution.”

A flaxen-haired woman near the bar coughed. “He’s lecturing the drink to death.”

“I heard Vulcans don’t even have taste,” whispered another human gathered nearby.

Sar ignored them.

He picked up a chilled glass, a thin ring of condensation formed along its outer surface.

He strained the cocktail into the glass with a surgeon’s hand. It emerged perfectly clear, a rich red-gold.

A single maraschino cherry, dark as obsidian and glossy as a shuttle's hull plate, was chosen as the garnish. Sar lowered it with reverent care.

He placed the finished cocktail on the bar in front of Ensign Martin.

“It is complete.”

Martin glanced at his friends, shrugged, and took a sip.

His eyebrows climbed halfway to his hairline.

“Holy…” He blinked. “That is incredible.”

The blonde woman snatched the glass and tasted it. After a long sip, she froze. “I hate that this is amazing. I wanted it to be terrible.”

Another officer leaned forward to smell it. “The vermouth is balanced. The rye is there but isn't punching me. This is textbook.”

Another chimed in. “Textbook? That's a symphony.”

The bartender scowled faintly as more patrons stepped forward, eyeing Sar expectantly.

"Are you making more of those, Vulcan?" A tan man with hazel eyes squeezed through the crowd.

Sar was already selecting the next set of glasses. “A logical assumption, Lieutenant Lopez.”

As Sar blankly stirred the next Manhattan, the woman asked, “How do you know all this?”

“I once memorized the Encyclopedia of Terrestrial Spirits and Cocktails to expedite a cultural exchange program. I found the subject efficient in its insight into human neurology and irrational bonding rituals.”

“Have you ever had a Manhattan?” Ensign Martin asked curiously.

“My olfactory and gustatory senses are sufficient for chemical analysis. I have indeed sampled the drink,” he added dryly, “A sense of 'taste' is rarely required to properly follow instructions.” Sar shot a long look towards the barkeep that could only be interpreted as judgmental.

“I swear,” a portly man said in an accent mixed between British and Irish, “if this turns out to be the best drink I’ve had in months—”

He sipped and stared before slowly setting the glass down.

“I’m furious,” he muttered. “But I’m finishing it.”

Sar adjusted the bottle alignment and poured again.

 2025-07-17 16:47:29
Rynar Jast (#2796)

USS Thunderchild: Deck 9 – Aegis Squadron Lounge, 2147 Hours

The lights were dimmed to evening cycle, a subtle shift in tone and hue that mimicked dusk aboard the Thunderchild. The lounge smelled faintly of citrus and ozone, the former from the replicated garnishes Solenn had requested, the latter a residual trace from a power coupling incident earlier that morning. The training simulations had pushed the pilots hard. Reentry spirals over a gravity well at 2.4 g’s had not been strictly necessary, but Commander Takahashi was nothing if not demanding of her Valkyrie pilots.

Lieutenant Solenn stood behind the bar galley counter, assembling ingredients with the same efficiency he applied to preflight diagnostics. His posture remained precisely upright, even as he reached for a small vial of simple syrup.

“You’re making a drink?” Kade leaned against the backrest of the couch, jacket unzipped, a sheen of perspiration still across his forehead. “Since when do Vulcans drink anything for pleasure?”

Solenn raised one brow with effortless precision. “That is a common misinterpretation. Vulcans do not avoid pleasure. We merely do not partake in actions dictated solely by it. This beverage, for example, is both culturally educational and, according to multiple human sources, ‘damn good.’”

Kade chuckled. “All right, professor, educate me.”

Solenn turned back to his tray.

“I have chosen to prepare the French 75, a Terran cocktail originating in the early twentieth century. It was named for the Canon de 75 modèle 1897, a field artillery piece used extensively during Earth’s First World War. The implication, presumably metaphorical, is that consumption of the drink produces an effect similar to being struck by high-velocity artillery.”

“That’s comforting.” Kade said with a smile.

“I selected it for two reasons,” Solenn continued, ignoring the sarcasm. “First, it was historically favored by early military aviators, specifically the Lafayette Escadrille, a combined French and American fighter unit. Second, it is constructed with Champagne, a sparkling Terran wine, which humans frequently associate with ceremonial occasions or well earned relief. As we have completed twelve consecutive training runs without incident, I deemed it a statistically acceptable reward.”

Solenn picked up the first of several crystal flasks.

“To begin: 45 milliliters of dry gin. The botanical profile of Hendrick’s, which includes Juniperus communis, Cucumis sativus, and Rosa damascena, pairs effectively with the acidity to come.”

He poured the liquid with measured precision, then reached for a lemon.

“Next: 22 milliliters of fresh lemon juice. Note that this must be freshly extracted to preserve the ascorbic acid content and aromatic compounds. Pre-squeezed or reconstituted sources produce inferior results.”

“You replicated ‘fresh’ lemon juice?” Kade asked, incredulous.

“No,” he replied. “I replicated the lemon. I extracted the juice manually.”

A third vial followed. “Now, 22 milliliters of simple syrup. This is a solution composed of one part granulated sucrose and one part water. Traditional preparation involves the application of heat. However, this often introduces unpredictable dilution via steam evaporation. I prefer to stir the components with cold water until the sugar is fully dissolved. I have done so. Replicated sugar, it must be noted, is chemically indistinguishable from organic Terran sucrose. That said, the replicator occasionally fails to fully simulate textural nuance in large crystalline structures.”

He deposited the mixture into a silver shaker he had already filled with ice. With practiced movements, he sealed it and began to shake, not erratically, but with the rhythmic precision of a metronome.

“Approximately twenty seconds,” Solenn stated, mid-shake. “The goal is to chill the liquid to between one and three degrees Celsius without excessive dilution from melting ice.”

He strained the result into a tall Champagne flute. The pale liquid swirled faintly in the glass, releasing floral vapors as it settled.
“Finally, 60 milliliters of Champagne. Brut is traditional, a drier variant with lower residual sugar. However, I have substituted a replicated vintage of Épernay 2382, marked as ‘Extra Brut’ on Federation culinary standards. It achieves a cleaner finish.”

He poured with the care of someone handling volatile plasma, letting the bubbles rise gently as he finished with a spiral of lemon zest perched on the rim.

Kade accepted the glass, raising it with both curiosity and visible suspicion. He sniffed it. “Smells amazing.”

“Sip slowly. The carbonation will alter the perception of acidity. Your palate will adapt after approximately three sips.” Solenn watched Kade with an upturned eyebrow.

Kade took the first.

His eyes widened.

Then he grinned. “You know what? That’s actually fantastic.”

Solenn inclined his head. “I am aware.”

The Vulcan retrieved his own flute and joined the Bajoran on the couch. For a time, they drank in silence, two pilots bonded by countless hours in close formation and one carefully constructed glass of Terran cultural history.

After a moment, Kade exhaled and leaned back.

“You really think the Escadrille pilots drank this after combat?”

Solenn looked out the viewport, where the stars drifted slowly past the Thunderchild’s bow.

“There is insufficient historical data to confirm it,” Solenn said. “But, if they did not, they missed an optimal opportunity.”

2025-07-17 14:54:39

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